BUSH'S COMEDY HOUR TONIGHT

Unfortunately Bush will be reading a speech that someone else wrote for him tonight so you may not get any new additions to the list below but with Bush, you never know.

"But Iraq has - have got people there that are willing to kill, and they're hard-nosed killers. And we will work with the Iraqis to secure their future." -George W. Bush, Washington, D.C., April 28, 2005

"Part of the facts is understanding we have a problem, and part of the facts is what you're going to do about it." -George W. Bush, Kirtland, Ohio, April 15, 2005

"You work three jobs? - Uniquely American, isn't it? I mean, that is fantastic that you're doing that." —George W. Bush, to a divorced mother of three, Omaha, Nebraska, Feb. 4, 2005

"After all, Europe is America's closest ally." -George W. Bush, Mainz, Germany, Feb. 23, 2005
(I know all you Republicans are asking yourself, what's so funny about that one?)

"Who could have possibly envisioned an erection - an election in Iraq at this point in history?" -George W. Bush, at the white House, Washington, D.C., Jan. 10, 2005

"It's a time of sorrow and sadness when we lose a loss of life." -George W. Bush, Washington, D.C., Dec. 21, 2004

"And so during these holiday seasons, we thank our blessings." -George W. Bush, Fort Belvoir, Va., Dec. 10, 2004

"Justice ought to be fair." -George W. Bush, speaking at the White House Economic Conference, Washington, D.C., Dec. 15, 2004

"I have a record in office, as well. And all Americans have seen that record. September the 4th, 2001, I stood in the ruins of the Twin Towers. It's a day I will never forget." -George W. Bush, Marlton, New Jersey, Oct. 18, 2004

"After standing on the stage, after the debates, I made it very plain, we will not have an all-volunteer army. And yet, this week - we will have an all-volunteer army!" -George W. Bush, Daytona Beach, Fla., Oct. 16, 2004

"It's the Afghan national army that went into Najaf and did the work there." -George W. Bush, referring to Iraqi troops during a joint press conference with Iraqi Prime Minister Ayad Allawi, Washington, D.C., Sept. 23, 2004

"Too many good docs are getting out of the business. Too many OB-GYNs aren't able to practice their love with women all across this country." -George W. Bush, Poplar Bluff, Mo., Sept. 6, 2004

"So community colleges are accessible, they're available, they're affordable, and their curriculums don't get stuck. In other words, if there's a need for a certain kind of worker, I presume your curriculums evolved over time." -George W. Bush, Niceville, Fla., Aug. 10, 2004

"Our enemies are innovative and resourceful, and so are we. They never stop thinking about new ways to harm our country and our people, and neither do we." -George W. Bush, Washington, D.C., Aug. 5, 2004

"We stand for things." -George W. Bush, Davenport, Iowa, Aug. 5, 2004

"I don't know why you're talking about Sweden. They're the neutral one. They don't have an army." -George W. Bush,

"Give me a chance to be your president and America will be safer and stronger and better." -Still-President George W. Bush, Marquette, Michigan, July 13, 2004


"And I am an optimistic person. I guess if you want to try to find something to be pessimistic about, you can find it, no matter how hard you look, you know?" -George W. Bush, Washington, D.C., June 15, 2004

"I'm honored to shake the hand of a brave Iraqi citizen who had his hand cut off by Saddam Hussein." -George W. Bush, Washington, D.C., May 25, 2004

"My job is to, like, think beyond the immediate." -George W. Bush, Washington, D.C., April 21, 2004

"Obviously, I pray every day there's less casualty." -George W. Bush, Fort Hood, Texas, April 11, 2004

"We're still being challenged in Iraq and the reason why is a free Iraq will be a major defeat in the cause of freedom." -George W. Bush, Charlotte, N.C., April 5, 2004

"Recession means that people's incomes, at the employer level, are going down, basically, relative to costs, people are getting laid off." -George W. Bush, Washington, D.C., Feb. 19, 2004

"My decision on Iraq, this kind of march to war, affected the economy." -George W. Bush, Meet the Press, Feb. 8, 2004

"We do know that Saddam Hussein had the intent and the capabilities to cause great harm. We know he was a great danger...What we don't know yet is what we thought and what the Iraqi Survey Group has found, and we want to look at that." -George W. Bush, Washington, D.C. Feb. 2, 2004

"See, one of the interesting things in the Oval Office - I love to bring people into the Oval Office - right around the corner from here - and say, this is where I office, but I want you to know the office is always bigger than the person." -George W. Bush, Washington, D.C., Jan. 29, 2004

"More Muslims have died at the hands of killers than - I say more Muslims - a lot of Muslims have died - I don't know the exact count - at Istanbul. Look at these different places around the world where there's been tremendous death and destruction because killers kill." -George W. Bush, Washington, D.C., Jan. 29, 2004

"Then you wake up at the high school level and find out that the illiteracy level of our children are appalling." -George W. Bush, Washington, D.C., Jan. 23, 2004

"I hope you leave here and walk out and say, 'What did he say?'" -George W. Bush, Beaverton, Oregon, Aug. 13, 2004

I'm sure we will all be saying that. You can almost bet on it, George.